Stuff my third graders say v. 9

​kid: can i have a piggy back ride

me: no

kid: what isn't it a third grade thing?

me: no

me: and write an equation to show how many pets you have

kid: we had 2, but they were flushed...

me: please don't say the "t" word what ever it is

kid: i know the F word!!​

me: please, don't

kid 1: you sound like Professor McGonagall 

kid 2: I sound like a wizard?

 kid: i'm not a happy snow man today....it's hot!

kid: the teacher has an apple like in the movies!

kid: is there such a thing as time travel?

me: well, do you have a TARDIS or know The Doctor?

kid: HUH?

me: then no

kid: you bring a lunch box? i thought you never ate!

me: don't lick my whiteboard

kid: it tastes like learning!

me: fear not, I have an idea

kid: is it an evil idea?

kid: what number is this? (holds up 1 finger)

ms. brooks: 1?

kid: no! 64 in binary!

me: what's a contraction? 

kid: Mississippi?

kid: why are you whispering?

me: to get you to pay attention

kid: (whispering) it's not working

kid: what's the opposite of friendship? enemyship?

kid: i am....an ar-tee-st!

kid: I bit myself...

me: do I want to know?

kid 1: the sun isn't a planet. it's a star!

kid 2: can i make a wish on the sun? it's a star!

me: why do you need a map of fenway park?

kid: to know where the best seats are!

me: please stop doing math and go to davening

kid: did you really tell us to stop doing math!?

kid: they put bologna in pasta?!
me: it's bolognese, it means meat sauce
kid: why don't they just call it that...

me: what does this word mean?

kid: ugh my back hurts

me: no it doesn't mean that

kid: where do they speak Danish?
me: Denmark
kid: oh, that's in Wyoming, right?

me: two minute warning!

kid: it's 2 in the morning?

kid: achoo! i'm allergic to tissues I think...

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