April 15th is my "Bumblebee Day" -- I haven't really mentioned it in the past few years. But, this year it feels right to mark the day. The name comes from the scientific principal that according to the laws of aerodynamics, bees should not be able to fly. Well...they do...why? Could it be because no one has said "you can't"
On April 15th, 1998 I was diagnosed with a Central Auditory Processing Deficit, Hyperacusis, and Tinitus. Long story short - the universe tried to tell me a slew of "you can't..." on that day, but I kept on trucking - much like those bees who flies despite not being aerodynamically fit to do so.
The last year hasn't been the easiest for me hearing-wise. Zoom meetings, especially days with back-to-back ones are challenging; hearing and processing sound through a screen is hard. Masks muffle speech and there are no lips to read to compensate. I've noticed increased bouts of tinnitus and my startle reflex to sudden sounds is back. Friday nights have been spent as a blob on the couch, much like I did in high school, decompressing from too much listening.
But. I've also kept on trucking. I've tackled a new job - one with lots of listening on screens and in masks. I've conquered life. This year, I was a bee, just like I have been for the past 23 years. So much of 2020 was the universe saying "you can't do this" -- I know what to do with feeling...say "oh yeah, watch me" and go do it anyway.
I have my ebbs and flows with my openness about my "stuff" - having an invisible disability is hard and I spent much of my life insisting I be seen and supported and learned it was easier to just work 90x harder with my head down rather than be judged for what is really going on. But, slowly, I am more open. Nothing to hide. Just a lot to celebrate and share. Maybe this year will the year to live more boldly, we shall see...
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15 thoughts on the matter:
...I have Central Auditory Processing Deficit too, show me a picture and I'm fine.
Tamar, this post is so wonderful. Thank you for sharing a bit about your hearing issues. I know how difficult it can be to share about "invisible" disorders. But it really can help so many others who may struggle with the same or similar things. You are absolutely an inspiration, my friend!
Shelbee
www.shelbeeontheedge.com
I had NO idea! Thank you for tipping your hand a bit to reveal this unique struggle. So glad you keep buzzing and flying!
Wow, this year sounds like it would definitely be hard for you. You're doing great!
Oh, I love this. I don't love that you struggle with an invisible disability but that you have turned this day into a "Watch me fly" anniversary. I'm sorry the pandemic has made all of this so much harder -- masks, online meetings, etc.
Yay you! I enjoy reading your blogs and am so glad you opened up and told about your "bee-ing-ness" and flying in spite of it all. As a much older woman, I've got lots of chronic stuff, but support all others who have invisible conditions to confront and live with.
You're amazing and thank you for sharing! Keep on soaring!
Thank You my dear, You inspire
I didn't know- thank you for sharing- precious! xx
Tamar, I'm cheering that you are sharing this disability again and the wonderful way you are dealing with it. You are an inspiration!
I like how you're dealing with this. Such an inspiring post!
I have normal hearing and have found conversations through both the masks and Zoom to be a real strain. You are amazing to have risen to this extra challenge. I do understand a bit what it must be like to have a hidden disability as I have a hidden illness - fibromyalgia. Like you, I neither bring attention to it, nor do I hide it. Way to go, Tamar!
Michelle
https://mybijoulifeonline.com
Good for you! My husband has hearing loss and the masks have been hard on him.
Tamar, you are one strong woman. Just like a bumblebee. Keep on truckin'!
You are so very strong. Is there a way that you can have anything closed-captioned for you.
Keep on, keeping on.
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