A Lot of New

Well, it's that time of year again. There is lots of "new" in the air. New school year, new Jewish year, and for me new city. It's crazy to think that not only is 5771 mere hours away, but in just 18 hours I will be in my first Wheelock class.

But amidst all the new in the air right now there is an ache in my heart tonight. An ache that hasn't been filled in two years. Two years ago on Erev Rosh HaShanah my Bubbe died. Two years ago I watched as my Bubbe took her last breathes and looked into my Zaydas eyes for the last time.

This Rosh HaShanah amidst all the excitement and newness that surrounds me I cannot help but feel that ache in my heart, one that wishes Bubbe and Zayda were here to see me go off to Boston and go off to graduate school. Somehow, even though it's been two years since she left us it doesn't feel right, it still feels weird that they aren't here. I know that is a testament to how much I loved them and how much they loved me, but I just wish she was here to see me following my dreams.

However, tonight on the eve of my beginning down the road of graduate school I find it fitting that I am beginning on Erev Rosh HaShanah. It's all new. A complete and total fresh start. Not only is this a new school year but it's at a new school. It doesn't get more "clean slate" than that, now does it.

While I do have the pre-school year butterflies in my stomach I am trying to take this as an opportunity to really make meaning out of the idea that on Rosh HaShanah it's a fresh start, a clean slate, a new year for a new you.

The past few weeks and months, and year even have been very stressful at times and very rewarding at other times. But, I know at times I haven't been the best I can be as a person and as I go into a new setting and begin to make connections here in Boston I hope I can take this year to work on my soul, my emotions, and me. I really mean this, that I want to spend 5771 working on making Tamar the best Tamar she can be. One who knows who she is and knows how she is percieved, and one who is aware of how she presents herself. I really truly hope that this year is a wonderful start to a new "sweet" chapter in my book of life.

And last but not least. I read this in the novel I just read and found it fitting for Bubbe's yarzheit and the start of the new year.

"We always carry a part of those we loved tucked inside us."

And that is my wish to all this Rosh HaShanah. Whilst we move into the new year and we work on the new "us" let us carry inside us what was good and what we loved from the last year. While we may get a clean slate it is important to remember the past when working on the future.

I know I carry my Bubbe and Zayda inside of me, and their love is helping me become who I am each day, one day at a time.

L'shanah tova u'metuka! To a sweet, healthy, happy, and WONDERFUL new year!