Thursday, June 23, 2011

Defeating a demon

It's no secret that in my past I have battled with a personal demon.


I kept this demon a secret. Only my immediate family knew my struggle with thinking every ache or sneeze was a serous life threatening condition.

But, no longer. I have defeated this demon. Last June was the last time I let my mind turn a simple ache into a tumor or a sneeze into a serious infection.

One year. One year of not having constant worry in the back of my mind. One year of living life and not fearing a disease that may end it.

I don't even know when this began. When I began to imagine I had every disease under the sun each time I sneezed or had an ache somewhere.

I really lived in fear. I used to inspect my skin for bruises, I used to walk a straight line when I had headaches, I used to say the alphabet backwards, I used to feel for swollen glands.

I waisted so much time fearing the worse, that I actually missed precious time of living. I should be so proud of myself for beating this demon, but part of me is mad at myself for allowing the fear to live with in me for so long.

But, then I look back on this year. Sure, I had a few colds, but no fear. I had some bumps and bruises, but no fear.  I had some headaches and sinus pains, but no fear.

Hypochondria, fear, you have been defeated and I do not miss you at all.

1 thoughts on the matter:

EmFish said... {Reply}

yasher koach!
was there a particular way you went about cutting off that mental loop?