Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Missing him immensely

Today on the Gregorian calendar, and next Friday on the Hebrew calendar, marks 2 years since Zayda died.  Two years. I don't know if it seems like ages ago or like it was yesterday.  While I miss him and think of him always the past few days have been hard, as the reality of 720 days without my beloved Zayda has begun to sink in.  
 Part of what hurts the most right now is thinking about all the events from the past two years that I wished Zayda would have been part of.  It still pains me that he was not alive to see me graduate college. When we found out he was sick almost 3 years ago, I became so upset that he probably wouldn't see me get my diploma.
 That just makes me wish even more that he would have been here to share in my successful first year at Wheelock.  He would have been so proud of how I have performed on my MTELs and in my other studies. Zayda valued education and was so proud of his grandchildren's educational endeavors.  I just really wish he had been here to witness it in person.
And then I think about Noam.  And how Noam never got to meet such a wonderful man who loved his mommy, daddy, Savti, and me so so so much.  He never said it to anyone, but I think he really wanted to become a great-Zayda, and oh how I wish that had happened.  Zayda loved Avi and me more than words can express and I know he would have had even more love for Noam.
And I know while Zayda wasn't here physically over these past 2 years to share in all the wonderful events that transpired, I know he was here with me. I do feel his presence and at times when I am down or discouraged I think about his strength and determination and that helps me so much. Zayda, I miss you like crazy and know your are looking down on us smiling and proud.

7 thoughts on the matter:

sophie...^5 said... {Reply}

Yes I truly believe our loved ones are watching over us...feelings....they come over you and you just know. My Mom passed away in 1998 after a short illness and I feel her presence with me daily.
PS...so glad we put a smile on your face today!

deb duty said... {Reply}

This is so sweet. It's nice that you had such a wonderful grandfather. I had a very special grandfather that I loved very much. I still remember him vividly and miss him even though he died when I was 10.

Tiffany said... {Reply}

Such a touching post...I am so sorry for your loss, but your beautiful memories will keep him with you.

Tiffany

Buckeroomama said... {Reply}

I have a feeling he is smiling, smiling, smiling and celebrating your success, celebrating the joy that is Noam.

Chava said... {Reply}

Beautiful!

I have no doubt that he is with you. None.

Hugs,
Chava

likeschocolate said... {Reply}

Sorry for your loss! At least you have so many beautiful memories to cherish!

{ T G L } said... {Reply}

I hope you lit a yartzeit candle in his memory and had a chance to say Kaddish. May his memory be a blessing. He sounds like a wonderful Zayde!

Bivrachah,
This Good Life