Saturday, December 24, 2011

Four Magic Words

“Met the Qualifying Score”

Four simple words. Four simple, magic words. Four magic words that mean the world to me. Four words that move me one huge step closer to my dream of becoming a teacher.

Yes, I did it. I passed (passed!) my fifth and last MTEL, the math MTEL.

I came away from that test feeling defeated, my mind was mush, I was ready to accept having to retake it. Okay, to be honest I had my moments of freaking out that I wouldn’t be able to pass it and I wouldn’t be able to graduate on time. But, eventually, I forgot about it and life went on.

Then Monday of this past week, I realized that the score release day was Friday. I was filled with dose of dread mixed with a smattering of acceptance all week. Then Friday arrived. I was slightly grateful to be at work, slightly distracted, a few of us were anxiously checking our phones for the all-important email (little did we know they changed their release policy and scores weren’t going out to 5pm).

I spent most of the day running scenarios in my head, ready for either result. I didn’t want to feel cocky, but I was feeling calm and optimistic, with a bit of confidence mixed in.

Then as the sun went down, and the clock inched closer to 5, the nerves came back full force. I had a knot in my stomach and my heart was beating out of my chest. Five o’clock came, I refreshed my inbox, nothing. 5:02, refresh, nothing, rinse and repeat, and I finally got up to take try to distract myself from the wait.

I sat back down, and I saw it.

I took a deep breath. Clicked the email. Realized, while holding my breath and attempting to cover my eyes with one hand that the new score report is an attachment. I take a deep breath; click view, again while holding my breath and trying to cover my eyes. Then clear as day there it was, the most magical four words on the planet:
I actually, closed and reopened the document a few times, then it hit me: I PASSED!!

I did it. I passed one of the hardest exams I have ever taken in my life. I passed my LAST MTEL!

One, two, three, four, five, just like that! Me, a “horrible test taker.” Me, a child who at 10 was told she shouldn’t be able to read. Me, a person whose mother was told to just let me be a C student.

Me. I. did. it.

After I stopped shaking and crying (happy tears) I realized I am one step closer to my Masters in Education. I am actually doing this. I will graduate on time. I will be a teacher. And most importantly, I think I may finally beginning to believe that I am smart.

And now, I cannot stop opening the score report and looking at those four magical words. I can’t stop smiling as I see this in the top right corner of the report:
Yes, I have passed those tests! I did it. I can and I did.

Now, it’s time for vacation. The whirlwind that was this semester and the first 73 days of teaching is finally hitting me. I slept pretty much the entire two flights to Oregon and I feel the stress draining out of me.

Come 2012, it’s just 3 classes, 107 days of school, and another short semester until I walk across the stage as a graduate school graduate. No more studying for a math exam, no more standardized tests.

Because, I did it!

I met the qualifying score!

8 thoughts on the matter:

Mom of M&Ms said... {Reply}

WOW!!! Congrats... so happy for you. I told you before that my daughters are dylexic and they are good students.. no one would listen when I said that they were not working their potential.. Finally, my youngest was accepted into a dyslexia program.. They discovered that she was working three times harder then other students to keep her A grades.. now if we can get them to listen about the 4th grader... I am sharing your story with them.. Merry Christmas

Dorian Susan said... {Reply}

Oh Tamar!! Congrats. I'm sure you WILL be a wonderful teacher and these silly tests really have nothing to do with it at all.
I taught for 15 years. It is either something that is in your heart or not. Anyone who reads you blog knows you ARE smart.
Sounds like one more semester to go!! Ya-hoo!!.
Have a wonderful few days of dancing on the ceiling.

Serline said... {Reply}

Fantastic! Congratulations! Looking forward to more stories…:)

Wishing you a fabulous 2012 with full of great achievements and experiences.

Gina Kleinworth said... {Reply}

Well a HUGE CONGRATS to you you!!!!!! That is fantastic!!!

Dina @ 4 Lettre Words said... {Reply}

What a great gift, Tamar! Congratulations!

deb duty said... {Reply}

This is awesome! Congrats!

Bek said... {Reply}

Congrats! What a great achievement!!

Anita Johnson said... {Reply}

Congratulations to you...on the sufganiyot AND on your test score! What an accomplishment!