Stuff my 3rd graders say v.1

I have a group of comedians this year. They say the funniest things on a near hourly basis. I often text the best zingers to my mom and Avi and some other friends, and they're right, these are liquid gold and need to be preserved somewhere. (some of these are older, but I had to preserve the oldies but goodies)

So for your enjoyment:

me: "I will pick it up on my way home"
kid: "go home?"
me: "yes, I go home…"
kid: "I thought teachers live under their desks. That's why teachers have apples on their desks, so they can eat a balanced diet"

girl:"piercing your ears isn't hard! you take two staplers and SHOVE it through your ears"

boy: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!!!

kid 1: "it's the 100th day of school! Only 265 left!" 
me: "not so much..."
kid 2: "that would be school everyday of the year!"
kid 1: "oh no no no no no no!!!"

During the afternoon read a loud. 
me: "'she was solemn'...who knows what that means?"
kid: "it's a name. Wasn't he a king?"
me: "that was King Solomon..."
kid: "was Solomon solemn?"

(Not a quote, but I must never forget this) 
Today's math class: 8 kids working very hard on multiple monsters....all while humming "mananana" from the Muppets...

me: make a prediction about tomorrow's special activity
kid: tickling Tamar!
me: what!?!?

me: "who knows where the winter Olympics are this year?"
kid 1: "Sushi, Russia?"
Me "umm...well...not exactly"
kid 2: "now I'm hungry..."

kid 1: "a rat can have wings." 
me: "when's the last time you saw a flying rat?"
kid 1: "I saw a flying squirrel at the zoo...?" 
kid 2: "you never know, I hear the NY subway has weird things!"

While the kids researched MLK. 
kid: "whoa the man who killed him died in 1998."
me: "I remember when he died."
kid: "You were alive then!?!?"
me: "yup I was 10"
kid: "wow. You must be old"

kid: "what's an encyclopedia?"

Me: "it is the book form of google..."

kid: you said a bad word!
me: what did I say?
kid: explicitly, on itunes, that means I can't listen to it.

A child suggested my last name should be "Thing-a-ma-bob" - it's shorter than my current last name, I may let it stick...

kid: "pencils smell weird"
me: "don't sniff the..."
kid: "ouch"
me: "did you just?"
kid: "yeah..."

Giving one group their spelling pre-test and one word is "trouble," then, I hear from a kid I never expected it from: 
"I knew you were trouble when you walked in" - in tune and quietly under his breathe!

me: what's one thing you know about the Pilgrims?
kid: they had it rough
me: how so?
kid: they didn't have ipads on the long trip

kid: "Tamar, why are you dressed fancy?"
me: "why must you critique my fashion choices?"
kid: "because I can?"
touche...

more to come!